Thinking Aloud

How embarrassing would it be for Mitt Romney if he didn’t win the nomination?

This is a guy that’s been running for president since 2006. I distinctly remember turning on Sean Hannity’s radio show and him promoting Romney like he was Joseph Smith. Why Hannity liked Romney puzzles me because Romney was not really a Great American. He was the governor of librul Massachusetts and he did silly things like sign laws with individual mandates.

In 2008, he disappeared quietly behind Mike Huckabee, then the Straight Talk Express rolled over him like a spineless librul. Even though he had been running for president for two years, something about him was repugnant to Republican voters. They fell in line behind John McCain, who they freaking hated.

Four years later, Republicans are going with the thrice-married jag. The guy who they booted out of a leadership position 12 years ago. Newt Effing Gingrich. A political dinosaur liked by (again) NOBODY.

I just can’t wrap my head around it. Republicans are pretty good about marching in lockstep with one another, a Borg-like creature that doesn’t disobey the marching orders. And they are pretty good about coming to the same conclusions. At some point, they all came to the conclusion that they can’t handle Mitt Romney. Even though this guy gives them the best chance to win the presidency and would undoubtedly be Paul Ryan’s bitch in the White House, they are opting for Newt Effing Gingrich.

My mind is blown.

Apparently there’s another debate tonight? How many more of these goddamn things are we going to be subjected to? What will any of these hate-mongering dumbasses say that they haven’t said before? They’ve sunk to some of the most incredible depths. The kind of depths where you could make a reasonable case that they’re waiting outside Satan’s office for an appointment on selling their soul.

Only two of these idiots — Gingrich and Romney — stand to gain something from this.

Romney is, to put it in football terms, in a no-huddle. It’s not the fourth quarter, but the game is getting damn close to being out of hand. He doesn’t need a Hail Mary or a hook-and-ladder or any other gimmick, but he needs to be lethal, efficient and in position to strike quickly.

To take this football analogy a little further, Gingrich is John Elway in his prime. You just know he’s going to pull something out of his ass and you know you need a big cushion. Running out the clock is no longer an option; Romney (who I envision in this scenario to be Rex Grossman, a bumbling goofball with big potential that will never win the Big One) has to make his stand. If he doesn’t win in Florida, he’s fucked. Because Gingrich (Elway) is going put the game away.

OK, I think that’s enough football stuff. It’s easier to just say that Romney better nut the fuck up.

I have to make one more addition: Romney/Grossman might not be a perfect comparison. Romney/Jim Kelly? That seems more apt.

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